Firsts
by aphelion-orion
Summary: Sometimes, life can be a whole series of firsts. [shounen ai, implied sex, AxelxRoxas]


**Title:** Firsts**  
Fandom: **pre-KH2  
**Pairing:** AxelxRoxas  
**Rating:** R  
**Warnings:** Shounen ai, sexual situations. Don't like, don't read.  
**Disclaimer:** Unfortunately, Squeenix owns this giant yaoi dating sim. XD  
**Notes:** Drabbles written to a themeset from literature class.

** -**

**Firsts**

-

_1. Signals_

The first time Roxas talked to Axel was in the middle of a mission together.

They had been taking a break from slaying heartless, and maybe Axel had been a little preoccupied with watching two beads of sweat trickle down from Roxas' hairline and disappear into his coat collar, because he almost missed the soft, solemn voice.

"You want to fuck me."

"_What_?!" Axel was quite sure he had misheard. All these weeks of silence and the first thing the kid said to him was _this_?

Roxas blinked owlishly and turned to face him, as if only realizing just now that he had spoken aloud. It was hard to tell with Roxas, the kid seemed to consist of accidents one minute, apathetic deliberation the next. "You want to fuck me," he reiterated in exactly the same tone of voice, calm and almost casual, as if talking about the weather.

When Axel stopped dead in the street at that, Roxas stopped too. " Yeah. Yeah, I do." The thought of lying hadn't even entered his mind.

Roxas blinked again, and Axel couldn't tell if he had been expecting that answer or not. "I see." He resumed walking.

Dumbstruck by the entire conversation, Axel could do nothing but follow.

----

_2. Gentleness_

The first time Axel had sex with Roxas, they were in a dusty storeroom in the lower parts of the castle.

He wasn't too sure what made him do it, except that he did want it, and the kid had never said, 'I don't want you to fuck me' that day. So he just shoved Roxas against a stack of wooden crates and pinned his wrists together above his head. The fact that Roxas kept struggling and kicking at him until Axel managed to worm a hand into the kid's pants just made him hotter. He was pretty sure that if Roxas really didn't want it, he'd find himself castrated by a Keyblade in five seconds flat.

By the time he finally lowered himself to his knees, Roxas had braced his arms against the crates to stay upright. Axel yanked his pants down from his hips and allowed himself a moment to memorize this picture, of the way Roxas' thighs were trembling slightly, the way his palms were trying to sink into the wood and the way the pink glow of his cheeks seemed to lend a wholly different quality to his face.

When Axel went down on him, he didn't make a single noise. Axel could feel his gaze, though, almost piercingly on the back of his head, and when he glanced up, he was confronted with wide, curious blue eyes that looked completely fascinated by the entire act. He groaned softly and ripped open his own pants, shoving his hand inside, because there was no way in hell he was going to stand waiting until Roxas was done, if the kid kept looking at him like that.

After he had come, Roxas kept very still, letting Axel rest his cheek against his bare hip and watched as he quickly brought himself to the edge. When Axel came, Roxas carefully brushed the hair from his temple behind his ear.

-----

_3. Kiss_

The first time Axel kissed Roxas was in the all-consuming whiteness of the library. He didn't have a good reason to do it, except that he didn't have a good reason not to do it, either. So he leaned over to where Roxas was lost in a book, and planted a kiss at the corner of the boy's forever unsmiling lips.

Roxas jerked back and blinked at him, astonishment written all over his face. "What did you do?" he asked.

Axel blinked dumbly. "I, uh, kissed you," he said, resisting very hard to tack a 'what did you think I was doing?' at the end. Roxas never talked unless he had a good reason for it, and he only ever asked important questions.

Roxas' gloved fingers hesitantly rose to finger the fading spot of warmth and dampness on his mouth. "Why?"

Which was, of course, the one question Axel couldn't even answer for himself. Why, indeed. Roxas cocked his head at his continued silence, so he thought that he had to look pretty stupid, trying to figure out his own reasons in the aftermath, and said, "I wanted to."

"What does it mean?"

Axel was not sure whether that question implied sheer innocence on Roxas' part, or if Roxas was asking what a kiss meant to _them_, as nobodies. Maybe, he decided, it was a little of both. Which was why he couldn't feed Roxas anything about kissing a loved one or some other romantic human crap. It wouldn't mean anything to Roxas, and he didn't think that it meant anything to him, either. "I guess it means that I like being with you," he finally said.

"You're a nobody, Axel," the kid pointed out. "You can't like anything."

"Feh," Axel said. "Watch me care about that."

"Oh," Roxas said and went back to his book.

----

_4. Sweetness_

The first time Axel slept with Roxas, he tried to be as careful as possible. Again, he wasn't too sure why, except that he liked being with Roxas and he liked Roxas, nobody or not be damned, and the thought of hurting him did funny things to the void where his heart had once been.

So he took his time with foreplay and preparations and pampering Roxas, until Roxas rapped his knuckles against the top of his skull and said in a faintly curious tone, "Are you going anywhere with this?"

It took him a moment to realize that Roxas was, of all things, _teasing _him, so he said with a chuckle, "I had something planned, yeah."

Roxas lay back down in his own version of a 'go ahead' gesture, and after that, he got down to business.

They didn't need any words for a while.

----

_5. Escape_

Sometimes, Roxas left in the middle of things. He just suddenly turned cold and shoved Axel away from him, zipping his clothes back up and leaving the room at a hurried pace.

Axel never asked him where he went when he did this, or why. The first time it happened, he had thought it must have been something he had done, or said, or perhaps he had forced himself on Roxas - which made him feel vaguely ill - but with time, he discovered that Roxas would simply get like that at times.

He always came back, though. Sometimes smelling of old books, sometimes wet from the rain, but he always came back. He would take off his coat and his clothes, until he stood stiff and naked in front of Axel, and Axel thought that this might be the Roxas version of an apology.

In those moments, he never took advantage of what the boy offered. He couldn't bring himself to, even if his body said otherwise. Instead, he just pulled him close and began mouthing nonsense words against the pale skin, until Roxas relaxed minutely, and wound his hands through Axel's fiery hair.

----

_6. Feeling_

"Axel?"

The first time Roxas initiated a conversation, they were lying on the bed in Axel's room. Axel had pushed away the blankets because he was a hedonist who liked looking at and touching and marking Roxas' skin, and he doubted Roxas would mind being completely naked even if the entire Organization decided to waltz in (and wasn't that a thought?).

Axel stopped fanning out the soft blond hair against his chest. "Hmm?" he prompted lightly, knowing that too much curiosity on his part would make Roxas shut up like nothing else.

Roxas, who was tracing nonsense patterns along his ribs, moved his head slightly so that he could look up at him. "I think I remember what being confused is like."

"Oh?" Axel said softly, arching an eyebrow. That was certainly... an interesting observation to make in the aftermath of (fantastic) sex.

"Yeah." Roxas fell silent and lightly rubbed a finger against a small scar in Axel's side.

"So..." Axel prodded gently, "What's it like?"

Roxas scrunched up his nose and pressed his cheek harder against Axel's chest. "This," he elaborated.

"This?"

"Yeah. Like this."

----

_7. Death_

The first time Roxas talked about leaving, Axel punched him square in the jaw and swore never to speak to him again.

Two hours later, he was back in Roxas' room, half afraid that Roxas had taken the time he had needed to calm down to make good on his promise. Roxas was still sitting where he'd left him, a bruise blooming on his chin like a sickly flower. He looked up in surprise when he heard Axel come in, blue eyes wide and wary like they hadn't been when Axel had first started talking to him.

Axel sank to his knees before him and placed his head in Roxas' lap. "You can punch me back, if you like."

Roxas' fingers lightly fluttered across Axel's chin, but he didn't say anything.

"They're going to kill you, if you leave," Axel murmured against the boy's thigh as Roxas threaded his fingers through his hair. "They're going to order me to kill you."

"Would you do it, if they told you to?" Roxas asked, honest curiosity in his voice.

"I couldn't. But I couldn't _not _do it, either." He paused, wondering why it suddenly seemed hard to speak. "I think... I think before I let anyone else kill you, I'd do it myself."

Roxas studied him in silence for a minute, before a small smile flitted across his face. "I think I'd like that."

----

A/N: o.O""" I want to write pr0n, and this is what happens. Go figure.

No, the drabbles' order is not reversed, or confused. I wanted to write them that way.

C&C would be a massive help, as always.


End file.
